chinese new year 2012

This is probably one of the most unique first day of all the Chinese New Years that i have had in all my life.  With the departure of most of my uncles and aunties on both sides of the family, CNY visitation has been reduced to visiting one of my paternal uncle on the first day.  We arrived at my uncle's place at the usual time to find that he was not home.    We arrived home to spend the rest of the first day very much alone - my mum and myself.

It has been very much a tradition that my parents would busy themselves cooking in expectation of the family and friends who would visit and send their CNY greetings.  It was something that my mother would meticulously busy herself planning,  buying and cooking for everyone who would come to visit.  My family has very humble background and it always puzzled me why my mum would save through the year to splurge it on a feast for family and loved ones on this one day during the CNY.  For the longest time, i wondered why she would go to such lengths.  After my dad's passing on and considering my mum's poor health, we have not had the festive cookout for a couple of years. 

And so, in the stark and striking quiet of a supposedly noisy and festive CNY, i find myself musing about customs and traditions.  i would normally be eagerly anticipating the clock striking 12 midnight, as i send a message to wish my dis either a happy birthday or Merry Christmas.  But at the stroke of 12am, i wished my mum a blessed new year and then was anticipating CNY greetings from my dis.  I guessed it's the traditional thing to do for the junior to send greetings to the senior and thinking about it, it's probably the only festive season that i did not take the initiative.  i received three sms greetings from three of my dis and from the rest, only on the sixth day when we had a gathering at my place.  Alas, in this age of connectivity, is it really that difficult to send a greeting on the first day of CNY?   Do i always have to be the one that initiate?   Perhaps it is a sure sign that age is catching up on me where i have inadvertently become more attune to such norms of propriety and seniority in CNY customs. 

In my contemplations, i came across this video "吃飯".  For me, it is a timely reminder that the people we take for granted are often those who love us the most.  And while it is easy for the one who is loved to forget, it is hard for the one who loves to forgo loving.

There is a lot i will have to learn from my mum when it comes to giving and loving..... and a lot more from the Lord who always initiates.

reminiscencing 2011

The year came and went, like in the blink of an eye……. I confess that I have not been regular in updating this blog and as I come to a close of 2011, I figured that perhaps I should pen a few words as I remember the year and recount the many times I have been a beneficiary of a faithful and merciful God.

This was a year where I got another prefix to my name.  But the significance is perhaps not in the event itself but the Person who has entrusted this yoke to my charge.  The prefix itself is an awesome responsibility and for me it is a constant and tangible reminder whose I am and who I serve.

It was a year of ups and downs, for which the hardest was perhaps my mum’s fracture of her humerus (upper arm).  The consultant at the hospital refused to operate on her citing age as a major consideration.  “Was this some kind of ‘humourous’ celestial prank?” - was a thought that lingered at the back of my mind.  The fear of losing her, a pillar of faith and love in my life, seemed frighteningly and uncomfortably imminent.  Yet when all the questions of ‘why’ dissipated into a faith-stretching dependence upon the Lord, perhaps the good that came out of this episode was a great deal more time spent with mum.  I have come to a deeper appreciation of the fragility of life and the significance of family.

The year has also seen many developments - di-andreas’ wedding in May, di-teck haur’s change of status in fatherhood, di-adalric’s enlistment into national service in Aug, ah di’s departure to Duke for research and completing his dissertation in Nov - have all helped to wet my eyes and drive me more to my knees, aware of my own finitude and dependent on the infinite resources of the Lord who has graciously allowed our paths to cross.  I am constantly thankful to the Lord for each of my 弟s (brothers) - dennis, romans, edmund, bernard, ben, andreas, teck haur, kim kiat, nathanael and aldalric(the ‘baby’ of the family)  - as well as my extended family in the US - jay and susan, court and lori, and neal.  I cherish the times I spend with each and all of them and treasure each of them.  As with my mum, they are an integral part of my life.  They are the ones for which “I would wander weary miles, would welcome ridicule… to simply see the sunrise of their (your) smiles.” (michael card).

As I consider the year that is soon coming to a close, perhaps this one song best articulates my sentiments.  It has brought me to tears many times on my way to the office, on the bus trips home from gym and on the mrt rides to and from tampines town.2012 brings along with it also many changes and expectations, but I know for certain that there is One who never changes and He will continue to see us through.

looking back at 2010

The following is an excerpt from the sermon i shared at Watchnight service:

While I am overwhelmed by God’s gracious dealings with me, I must say that there are at least three things which I wished I hope could have been different if I were to relive 2010. I wouldn’t not classify them as a regret; it’s difficult to find the word for it…. It’s better described in the Chinese as 美中不足. So if there are any regrets for me, it would be these three:

#THREE One of the more significant regrets is that I had wasted my time in playing some of the Facebook games such as Farmville. While Facebook has been a great tool in getting connected with friends, It has in many ways altered our lifestyle in ways that are so subtle and deceptive. I make this humble confession to each of you for allowing Farmville to take up about 15 mins of my time daily as I harvest my farm and tend my animals. My farm has grown so much but sadly my farming activities does nothing, absolutely nothing to help me in furthering God’s kingdom. As such, as part of my reflecting of godly regrets, I no longer farm on Farmville now. So my Farmville neighbours, please forgive me if I no longer send you gifts. I believe I can spend the 15 minutes more productively daily, praying rather than farming.

#TWO My second ‘regret’ is that my mum was not with me at my commencement in May this year. It would have been great if she was there when I walked at my commencement. And besides finances, perhaps the greater difficulty was the long distance which would have been difficult for my mum. Yet I am comforted that two of my closest family members were with me at commencement.

#ONE My greatest regret has to be the fact that with all my theological education and qualification, I have not been an effective witness in sharing the gospel to my godbrother, who has yet to come to accept Jesus as Lord and Saviour. And here I ask for you to pray together with me that he and his family will come to know Jesus.

I look back to 2010 with fond memories..... but these three remain my greatest regrets for the year. I am reminded of Soren Kierkegaard's comment on life, that "life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forward."

He cries WITH me......

Well....this is way overdue.....

I am always thankful for these words in Hebrews 4:14 and 15,

Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are - yet was without sin.

The words above are so beautifully set in song and this song ministered a great deal to me. Read the lyrics before you listen to the song.

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Makin' a list of all of the good things you've done for me.
Lord, I've never been one to complain.
But, right now I'm lost, and I can't find my way.
My world's come apart, and it's breakin' my heart.
But it helps to know; Your heart is breaking too.

When I cry, You cry. When I hurt, You hurt.
When I've lost someone, it takes a piece of You too.
And when I fall on my face, You fill me with grace.
'Cause nothing breaks Your heart, or tears You apart
Like when I cry.

Alone in the dark, face in my hands cryin' out to You.
Lord, there's never been a time in my life,
There's so much at stake, there's so much to lose.
But I trust it to You. You'll bring me through.
And it helps me to know that I'm not alone.

When I cry, You cry. When I hurt, You hurt.
When I've lost someone, it takes a piece of You too.
And when I fall on my face, You fill me with grace.
'Cause nothing breaks Your heart, or tears You apart
Like when I cry.

You're the one who calmed the raging sea.
You're the one who made the blind to see.
You looked through all of heaven and eternity,
And through it all you saw me.

When I cry, You cry. When I hurt, You hurt.
When I've lost someone, it takes a piece of You too.
And when I fall on my face, You fill me with grace.
Nothing breaks Your heart, or tears You apart
Like when I cry.


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of prefixes and personhood

It was my first Sunday at Wilmore and it didn’t help that I was beginning to face the stress that is attendant to this final phase of my studies. I went with Jerry (the other Singaporean doctoral student at Asbury) and his family to the church that they have been attending, First Alliance Church. What continually intrigues me about church services in USA is that they somehow manage to incorporate every part of the liturgy into a 75-minute service.

I thought that it was going to be that ‘typical’ worship service where we sing perhaps a couple of worship songs which are faster in tempo and almost predictably one which has bad theology (from ‘down under’ perhaps!) and hopefully at least one or two of our personal favourites, utter a few words during prayer and listen to a sermon that hopefully speaks to us, if we are not distracted in the first place or doze off, in the second.. If it was with this ‘routine’, that I was expecting, well….. it was not to be, because God showed up at that service.

It was a familiar worship song that is composed by Stuart Townend (yes, him again), How Deep the Father’s Love for us. And as I sang those words, there was this sense of deep unworthiness that sprang forth and welled up in my eyes. But there was this attendant sense that this was indeed the sheer grace of God. Not that I am inherently worthy because of my position, my prestige, my personality, my pedagogy….. not at all! I am but a sinner. Yet this sense of God’s deep love for me was an assurance that He loves me despite all my failings. He loves me. He deeply loves me.

And this gentle nudging from the Lord reminded me of the gift that Couz sent to me some years ago when I started this programme at Asbury. He had sent me a wooden engraved plaque with just my name on it. In an accompanying note, he wrote that he had chosen not to put any prefixes before the name as a reminder that I am who I am without the prefixes. To date, it is the reason I chose not to use any prefixes with my students.

The song ministered to me as it served as a reminder of the depth of God’s love. But more importantly it is a reminder that, as I come to almost an end of this pursuit, I must never let the prefix determine my perception of the person. Jesus did not die on the cross for the prefix, He died and rose again for us all. There is inherent worth as the Lord sees in each of us, more than what the world perceives. When the world is preoccupied with the prefixes, the Lord passionately pursues the persons, with such a depth in His love.

I pray that the words of this song minister to you as it did for me.

How deep the Father's love for us, How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son, to make a wretch His treasure
How great the pain of searing loss, the Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One, bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross, my sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice, call out among the scoffers
It was my sin that held Him there, until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life, I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything, no gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ, His death and resurrection
Why should I gain from His reward? I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart, His wounds have paid my ransom

the 'last battle'?

I guess this marks the coming to a completion of something that the Lord started a decade ago, when I left for my studies at Asbury. I leave tonight for what may be the “last battle”. It has been an arduous journey and as I look back so many things has happened. My studies were briefly interrupted when my family received news of my father’s medical condition. And I have no regrets returning to spend the last few months with him. Getting back to writing after he was called home to the Lord was not that easy. And opening up the chapter at Trinity Theological College with the attendant demands of teaching and preaching, where the tyranny of the urgent supplants the important, served only to add to that inertia.

Yet God is good and through the slow process of writing these past few years, I have submitted my dissertation and will head back to Asbury to meet with my supervisor. It has been a lonely journey, a journey that perhaps only those who would venture out to get their ‘heads permanently damaged’ would understand. It is a journey fraught with difficulties, of mental blocks, of dead ends and meanders. Yet it is also a journey that is lined with Ebenezers along the way; Ebenezers that are a reminder that “thus far the Lord has led me”. And for me, most of these ‘Ebenezers’ will be at the airport tonight…..i can’t thank the Lord enough for each of them.

Thus begins the journey that will end….. soon. Pray for me.

there is a hope

The church is seeing an increasingly anthropocentric wave of worship songs. Yet in these times, there are some exceptional songs which reflect a sensitivity to the word of the Lord and at the same time speak to our human experience in a way that addresses these existential concerns. This song, written by Stuart Townend and Mark Edwards, is one of those songs that spoke to my heart and i believe will do the same for each of you. It most definitely will be a song that will be sung at my funeral service.

Here are the lyrics:

There is a hope that burns within my heart,
That gives me strength for every passing day;
A glimpse of glory now revealed in meagre part,
Yet drives all doubt away:
I stand in Christ, with sins forgiven;
And Christ in me, the hope of heaven!
My highest calling and my deepest joy,
To make His will my home.

There is a hope that lifts my weary head,
A consolation strong against despair,
That when the world has plunged me in its deepest pit,
I find the Saviour there!
Through present sufferings, future's fear,
He whispers 'courage' in my ear.
For I am safe in everlasting arms,
And they will lead me home.

There is a hope that stands the test of time,
That lifts my eyes beyond the beckoning grave,
To see the matchless beauty of a day divine
When I behold His face!
When sufferings cease and sorrows die,
And every longing satisfied.
Then joy unspeakable will flood my soul,
For I am truly home.

Come with Me

It's been a hectic semester break and one of the new responsibilities that was thrust on me is the role of the acting Dean of students at Trinity Theological College. On top of that, i have also been invited to be the theme speaker at the college retreat, for which the theme is "Come with Me". The theme echoes Jesus call to His disciples to come and follow after Him and is also a call from the TTC community to the new students to come alongside us as we take this journey of theological education together.

Well, thanks (or no thanks) to the H1N1 influenza, we had to further shorten the retreat, which effectually excised my theme talks. I am not complaining! But here is the forward that i wrote for the retreat.

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It is with some regret that we have to further shorten the College Retreat for this academic year. The Retreat Committee has put in a lot of work organizing the programme and as you spend this day thinking through the theme of the Retreat, our prayers are that this will mark the beginning of a new chapter in your response to the call of Christ to “Come with Me”.

The Gospel accounts are replete with Jesus’ calls to come with Him, to come follow Him. It is an invitation to journey alongside Him as He headed towards Jerusalem. It is an invitation to partner with Him in ministry, to suffer with Him, to die with Him and to rise again with Him. Matthew 4:18-22 records Jesus’ call to the four fishermen to come and follow him and somewhat instantaneously they respond. So too does Jesus extend that same invitation to each of us today as He calls us to a life of discipleship.

John Bell captures this call of Christ to come with Him in those timeless words “Will you come and follow me if I but call your name?” in the song, The Summons. One line, however seems a little unsettling - “Will you kiss the leper clean, and do such as this unseen”. It is a reminder that Jesus calls us to an incarnational ministry and oftentimes an inconspicuous simplicity of service. His is a call to service that decries any attention to self.

Jesus’ call to come with Him is also a call be enjoined in a communal fellowship that is profoundly and preeminently exemplified by the perichoresis within the Trinity. For three years the disciples followed after Jesus, shared common experience together and were immersed into a fraternity that was to have an impact that reverberated through the Mediterranean world. Similarly, most of you will spend (about) three years here at Trinity living in a community which we hope will also have an impact where God will lead you upon your gradation. Another songwriter, Michael Card reminds us that “the call is to community, the impoverished power that sets the soul free. In humility, to take the vow, that day after day we must take up the basin and the towel.”

Jesus’ call to come with Him is preeminently a call to suffer with Him, a call to abandonment, a call to die and a call to be raised again with Him. It is ultimately a call to sacrifice. In John 21:19, the Gospel writer records for us Jesus’ issuing of the call afresh to Peter to follow Him after He had reminded Peter of the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. It seems that modernity and affluence has made it increasingly more convenient for us in our time to respond to Jesus’ call as if His is a call to occupy position of power, privilege and prestige. As we begin this journey of preparation, I hope that we will bear in mind that Jesus’ call to “Come, follow Me” is a call to each of us to die to ourselves as well as to a call to sacrificial giving and sacerdotal living.

Jesus’ call to come with Him is a call to simplicity
Jesus’ call to come with Him is a call to community
Jesus’ call to come with Him is a call to sacrifice

The Lord has taken the first step (as He always does) in moving towards us and it leaves for us to respond.
Lord, your summons echoes true when you but call my name.
Let me turn and follow you and never be the same.
In your company I’ll go, where your love and footsteps show.
Thus I’ll move and live and grow in You and You in me.

Will you obey His call to “Come with Me”?